Earth Beta and Oglaf Reviews

First and foremost I must apologize for the review posted three weeks ago. I was unaware of the content and the fact that the so called "blogger" carnivorouscritic did not actually hold a blog or exist. I figured somebody would have taken the name. It works well. I shall not be removing it though as a testament to my own flaws i.e. the fact that I did not look up his history. Or blog. Or if they were a he or a she. Hubris has beaten me down harshly.

I must apologize that this is two weeks late. I actually had this done in time but the content was such that I needed to reflect on if I would want to actually post it. Also I had finals so, yeah.

Now, after the last negative review, I made a vow to hold off on the bad webcomic reviews. While they brought popularity to lots of other reviewers, I want you the reader to find webcomics that you might enjoy. When a comic calls itself "The Most Underappreciated Webcomic" though, a problem becomes apparent. When this comic is not Bear & Kitten, Nineteenth Century Industrialist, Amazingly Average or one of the other several webcomics with low readership I subscribe to, there is something wrong.

Earth Beta by Bryan

Remember Penny Arcade? The comic that is often (incorrectly) credited with creating the video game webcomic genre? The comic that has millions of readers and is able to support its creators making tons of money? Remember how originally when it started, its humor was really bad by our modern standards but it was revolutionary at its time? Remember how the humor has changed with the times and the art has developed as well? Remember how they originally used to include Jesus for no reason? Only one of those things you should remember should applies to Earth Beta. (Its the Jesus one).

Beating old ideas into the ground is the encyclopedic entry for Earth Beta. From the two roommates, to Jesus, to creepy random creature, to ....okay. I am stopping here. I want to just get the point across that this webcomic is shitty. I mean, I used to draw a horrible webcomic in high school. I recognized it as such. I eventually stopped drawing it. I never posted it on the Internet. The author needs to hold up to his plan of stopping after six months.

The roommates are interchangeable talking heads making sound but barely communicating anything. Here inlies the problem. They are failing at making a point anywhere in the story. They are failing at making memorable characters. They are failing at making an interesting and well made story. The comic calls itself a "Storyline Comic." It is only in that the events are stories in the same way that eating only marshmallows is a balanced and healthy diet. Which it is not. Combining loose storyline with the fact that they force every possible storyline stereotype down the readers throats makes it worse. I could rant on and on but I only read the first 100 or so comics before I felt a sharp stabbing pain I could no longer ignore.

Character design and art is taken almost directly from the Tim Buckley Copy-Pasta College of Comic Design. Originally the characters are all horribly jumbled polygons. Looking at the current art, they are now partially anime inspired polygons. With poorly drawn figures. And no necks. And oven mitts for hands. In the FAQ, he responds that he came up with the idea of not using necks because he wanted to be able to switch his characters heads for humorous purposes. This works mostly because his characters are mainly guys, a girl and an annoying flying thing. They can switch the personalities and nobody will notice. Seriously. Also using images from google for background is a lazy technique. Then again, in a comic as poorly made as this, it is merely a ripple in the pond. When the pond is under a torrent of rain.

My roommates have gotten used to my crying when I find a horrible webcomic. Or when I declare I lost faith in humanity. They flock over and see what new horror I found to stare at it like a carnival freakshow. They shared my cries of anguish looking at this comic. Four art students declared it was ugly unfunny comic. This means it most likely is. It means your audience has no taste to tell you to improve. That is what I am here for. To rip you up and give you the tape to repair yourself.

Now, you declared in your artist page you will quit the comic if it does not pick up in six months. Do it now. If you wish to improve though, start a new comic. Make better character models, use necks for Christs' sake. Plan out a storyline, write scripts out and send them to somebody who hates you to review them. Or at least somebody with a good sense of humor. If nothing else, they can at least make your writing better.

I've had enough of dealing with this though and it has literally left a bad taste in my mouth. Bad art, unfunny humor and the giant balls to refer to itself as "The Most Underappreciated Webcomic". It is true, but only because he misspelled under-appreciated. D

Oglaf

They are adult comics that are well drawn, funny and mature-sort of. Enjoy them anywhere but at work and only if of age.

No need to rant, no need to say more. I am all reviewed out for now. A+

Next week I hope to have finished my retrospective on the recently finished Scary-Go-Round.

Also in my personal comic news, SFCRTSN restarted here because it is important to recognize your mistakes (even after you sink in $200.)

Guest Review - carnivorouscritic

This week, for whatever reason, I have been given a report to post from an apparently famous blogger who decided to grace me with his... majesty. So, enjoy this weeks criticism by the so called "carnivorouscritic." Next week I should hopefully return to my common format.

As I opened my eyes on this day a rumbling in my stomach struck me with a mighty force. I dare not say from whence it came for the terror it evoked caused me to tremble visibly. I departed my slight abode taking to the pedestrian walkways of the vagabonds in the mighty city to search for an epicurean delight to fit my meager funds. The answer was one that I had forgotten ages ago. The Sbarro.

Normally a chain of this level is located, nay, bound inside the shopping complexes. The reasons are unknown though my intellect tells me that it may be because of some Faustian bargain struck between the dreadfully Quixotic Sbarro family where if they are to expand beyond the domains of the shopping complexes, they lose their allure and majesty becoming hollowed out shells shlepping their wares, tainted by the light and purity that powers us through the day. I digress even though my theory soon rang true.

Entering the store I discovered the shopkeeper, some beast struck between the evolutionary phases of man and ape. His grunting indicated his desire for me to order. I ordered the special which he seemed to not hear as he deposited two slabs of pizza into the oven. He then directed me down the service line where I met an elderly lady who seemed to be held captive by the dangerous beast of a man. I attempted to explain that my order had been poorly taken and was in all manners, incorrect. She held her finger to her mouth though, warning me to keep my voice down.

"Don't complain unless you want to risk your life." She then nodded towards a jackhammer in the corner covered in a crimson liquid that was too clean to be the tomato sauce. I realized the horror then noticing the white bleached skulls lining the store. The dismembered limbs on the warming trays. The dead goat hanging from the ceiling. The empty tip jar. The horrors jumped towards me. I caught myself as I began to faint. I then exhumed my wallet from my coat pocket and left my pecuniary offering. The man beast removed the pizza from the scalding ovens, the steam and pressure causing sweat to form on my brow. I accepted my order and took my seat.

The other denizens of the Sbarro looked at me. Their eyes hung heavy with broken dreams and fears. The carbs that they had been ingesting were haunting me. They seemed to shackle them down, leaving them stuck forever. I was free for now though. I had not tied my own noose. I headed towards the garbage receptacle, slinking over to dispose of the waiting doom. With a grunt though, the horrible man beast began lumbering towards me, his eyes in a deadly frenzy.

The girl at the counter yelled at me "Run while you can, he cannot survive in the sunlight." I shook my head though, my chivalrous upbringing binding me to saving this young woman. I vaulted over the desk, wrapping my arms around her. As we neared the door the man beast began tossing the faux wood furniture at me, missing. He erupted in a guttural roar scaring the souls of all nearby. I laughed though, his attempts at summoning fear in my heart, failing. While my exuberance showed though, I was struck for the girl had betrayed me, bringing a blunt strike against my head. As my vision faded I saw her remove me from the store crying, "I have been here too long. I can't be saved."

I awoke later to find the medical vehicles appearing around me. The worries on my condition were assuaged as I arose. The Sbarro had been destroyed. The windows were smashed allowing nature to enter them. Those who had been trapped were gone, their imprints on the world were the only proof that they had once existed.

Overall, the service was horrible, the prices were through the roof and I never got to try the food. I doubt I will ever return again.

Or that I shall ever see her face again.

From The Infernal Pits of Webcomics.com - Part 1

This week, I departed from my ordinary list of comics I need to review so that I could check out Webcomics.com. The idea is that anybody can post their website there and check it to see when the webcomics they read update. Instead of you know, the website itself. The site has no quality control and it apparently does not check for broken links. Through random exploration though, I found two comics to review and in the process, I died a little inside.

HyperComboFinish by Chris Maguire

I honestly don't get the point of pixel art comics. They fall somewhere between copypasta art and sprite comics themselves. For those unfamiliar with the differences between the three, the following is a short guide to understanding them.

Pixel Art Comics - Uses user created art, commonly made of original characters.

Sprite Comics - Uses pre-created sprites, usually from video games. Often recolored.

Copy Pasta Comics - Comics where art is drawn and then repeated every single panel with barely any changes.

With Pixel Art, you gain the benefits of doing a job well most of the time because you just created your own pixels and characters and as most people who have tried can tell you, it is a hard task to do. On the other hand though, you just end up using these over and over and most of the time you might as well have saved the time and just gone into Photoshop and recolored some video game characters if all you want to do is make a basic comic. Basically you just pour more time into what is an overly complex Copy Pasta Comic.

This rant brings me to the comic, HyperComboFinish. Hosted on a blog site, it is yet another gaming webcomic. Now, I have been rereading Penny Arcade in the past week and one thing I noticed in the comic is that the humor stays up to pace with the webcomic humor of the time. It evolves. Looking at HyperComboFinish (which has taken several long breaks in its 5 year run) there is little to no humor growth. It occupies that dim and dark valley with the entirely all too large and deadly horde of other game comics that are bad. Very, very bad.

HyperComboFinish is a pixel art comic that might as well give up. Yes they are making their own sprites. Yes they are taking a decent amount of time making them. The problem with the comic is the fact that they pour so much time into making the sprites (it seems) and then they just kill them. They poorly use them, they overuse the same faces and it is just depressing. My other problem for once is the layout. The tower layout can work sometimes. It often works best if you have several panels in each row. This comic does not grant you that grace. You are forced to scroll down, seemingly descending into the hell created by these artists. As for sprites themselves, they seem to be a stylistic rip off of Diesel Sweeties with the large heads and all (though it is the best way to show expressions - if you are not trying to be original.)

The writing is generic gamer comic writing. Translated for you, this means unoriginal and poorly written gamer/nerd humor. The characters are blank cutouts. Mindless pods with no depth. Video gamer characters appear often and with no point other than making a catchphrase or some horrible attempt at humor. These people write a gaming blog. I have no idea what the reader base is. After reading the comics though, I have no desire to see their attempts at writing about the news though. I'd probably find it more unintentionally hilarious though.

The comic can be saved though. For one thing, change the art style and the layout. If you want to make a gaming comic with pixel art you might as well just use all pre-made sprites. Its like you are going to a baking contest for amateurs and you are using a recipe off a box of cake mix but not the ingredients included in the box. Or you can create a fully hand-drawn webcomic. Either way though, you need to decide if you want to cook from scratch or just use the box cake. As for the writing, this is always the hardest thing to suggest ways to improve. For one thing, have you characters actually develop personas if you are going to reuse them (especially if you are going to make your own art). Otherwise, just use NPCs from the games that you are parodying.

The comic needs a lot of work and made me rather depressed. I can't fully hate the comic because you are attempting to make pixel art but there is so much you need to improve. D.

My second attempt resulted in my finding a Japanese hardware dealer.

After a few attempts I invoked a rule, if it had not updated in three years, I was free from reading it. It among other things helped me avoid a Lord of the Rings fan fiction pixel art comic among a few other things. Eventually though I landed in the seas of Lee and the Boys.

Lee and the Boys by Dave Crews

When I started reading, I was under the impression that this comic had been running for a while based upon its strange page numbering system. I had written an entire paragraph about how eventually enough people find a horrible comic to start to support it, which was the only way a weekly comic could logically have a store. I was wrong, which was good and bad. It meant that I would not be subjected to 400 plus pages of this comic. It was still painful to read those 40-plus pages though.

Lee and the Boys is a comic about an old guy who owns a grocery story and his workers. Judging from the character design they all live near Riverdale and mainly serve the nearby residents. Or they would if Bob Montana was learning how to draw. And by learning, I mean he drew characters one way and refused to ever update his designs. Basically what Tim Buckley did and continues to do.

Chances are, the author started drawing from one of those books about drawing like a certain artist and only learned based on that. The characters have about the same creativity in design as you'd expect to see. The old cranky boss has a gut and an unclean shave and all the teen workers essentially look the same....except for the stereotypical punk character. He has a rat tail and a nose ring.

The writing is generic to the extreme. It is as if the writer later opened the book on drawing like a certain artist for storyline ideas. He has already done the camping storyline. Next would be the mother-in-law except all of the characters are too young or too unlikable to be married. The comic can't get much more generic and hackneyed.

My suggestions for the comic are simple. Learn how to draw in your own style and find a writer. You have potential as an artist. You are a decent inker and the lines are not bad. The coloring is simple but most comics start out that way. You really need a new style, though. It looks too much like a comic you'd find in the Sunday comics section and that is not what internet readers want to see. The whole grocery store idea also has very little appeal to the average webcomic reader. If you really want to continue this, pitch it to a newspaper but not on the Internet.

Bad writing, bad character design and overall generic-ness leave Lee and the Boys with a lot of room to improve. D.

I could find worse comics on the website. I found worse than these two. Next week though, I will do my best to find something you can actually enjoy.

Shrub Monkeys Review

Normally I'd feel obligated to apologize for the lack of updates but I think I have a decent reason - video games. The foul and addicting snake wormed itself around me again, constricting me and wrapping me. The more I struggled to escape, the harder it became especially as it was famished. I welcomed the beast eventually though as an old friend. For those unfamiliar with my life and such, my own Wii had been stolen last October and I was mostly disinterested in gaming since then. Previous attempts to enthrall me had been made unsuccessfully.

My personal demons of these weeks though have been varied and all in all, very good. Persona 3, Jet Set Radio Future and Fallout 3. Sadly my roommates PS3 crashed allowing me to not finish Persona 3. Curses. Then again, the Wikis did a good job of helping me deal with the loss by looking up the story online. Jet Set Radio Future, the old Xbox game was as enjoyable as ever which means I'd end up playing till 2 am, realize I was tired and then stay up another 2 hours. Luckily that is winding down as I embark on my quest to unlock all of the characters. Finally was the strongest of the addictions, Fallout 3. The art, the feel, the gameplay. I must confess that I had never played one of the original games so I cannot be a judge comparing it to the others in the series. I did play Morrowind (which I loved) and Oblivion (which I loathed) though and I can say that Fallout 3 was better than both. The inclusion of downloadable content is keeping my interest though I need to actually download it. Enough about video games though.

Now finally though after the weeks that you have waited, my Shrub Monkeys review.

But first, Amazingly Average is back up after a long hiatus. Go and give Ant some love. It is easily one of the most original webcomics out there on the internet. I owe the guy a large favor since he originally linked to my blog so this is payback along with a few forums posts.

And now...

Shrub Monkeys by Katie Shanahan

I've talked to Allan of Allan and Ryan from the 600 on the topic of journal comics. The fact is that thanks to one of the big webcomic powerhouses linking to Allan, almost every recently created blog/journal comic has been a stylistic rip off of Allan's comic. Heck, I even did it with most of my 40 Day Web Comic Challenge Art. It was nice finding a different artistically styled comic. Now before you go on to complain that Shrub Monkeys started before Allan (by several years) I am just pointing this fact out because YOU CAN COME UP WITH AN ORIGINAL IDEA AND STYLE FOR JOURNAL WEBCOMICS.

The art is high class stuff, the quality and caliber that you can come to expect from actual animators. Katie's art is amazing, energetic and you realize what one can learn in a college for cartooning. Long story short, the art is great. Not much more to say about it except that it can be minimalistic at times. No backgrounds, etc.

The jokes (where art students may fail at this point) are also great. Technically I should say "writing" but more or less, I am out of it (the review writing groove). The jokes mostly focus on real life humor but you don't feel alienated by inside jokes. The fact is that the main character is about as un-embellished as you can get, the non-Mary Sue factor comes off on occasionally almost Charlie Brown levels. The jokes do require a decent amount of prior knowledge though.

Overall, the comic is great. Great art, great writing. Not much more to say. Then again, I am rusty right now so what the heck do I know. A

Big News

I finally got my own webcomic started. Super Feudal Communist Russia Team Squad Now! will be updating every Friday (till I get some more cash flowing).

Along with this I hope to continue with a review a week. I'll put up the review in a few hours of Shrub Monkeys. I need to sleep, shower and shower again.

To tide you over, Hiimdaisy has a pretty awesome Persona 4 comic up. Check out the comic. TRIAL OF THE DRAGONNNNNNNN! ( I post this as 60% of my free time has been spent on this game.)

Sleep time!

Edit: Busy editing html, installing a forum and such to write a review. Page is better now though.